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George Burns Quotes

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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.